My Job is like a parade of OMFG moments...

Just when I open my mouth and say work was not so bad …

LOL My dam job is like a parade of train wrecks.

I am being a good slacker and chatting it up via IM with a potential new employee, he seems like a rather nice guy and is very interesting, I look down and I see I have a message in my inbox from MS. IFMB . So out of pure curiosity I go and read it. Well it appears MS. IFMB has competition at work a girl downstairs who works at great Northern Pizza kitchen.
I guess she saw her boss and said girl in his car getting cozy yesterday after work and it made her sad…
she has gotten use to late lunches on the bosses dime and shopping for new clothes etc.
As I was saying she is a tad depressed and went home to her 3 crazy boys and the chaos known as her house (I personally like to call it the BLACK HOLE of Despair) So MS. IFMB gets boys to bed and decides to go relax and drink some wine…
This is what her email said

“I am so sad at the thought of Joe with some tramp I went home filled up the tub to take a nice relaxing hot bath and grabbed a bottle of wine, I sat there drinking and thinking, not paying attention to the fact that my window is wide open, well next thing I knew it was 7 am woke up spooning with wine bottle.. Bathroom window was still open and the perverted old man across from me was looking at me rather odd! Fuck, not again.”

Wow why do I open email from her and why oh why dose she think I have an answer of give a fuck …

Love and Happy reading

The Corner Office Bitch

Tuesday and the sun is shining

So once again it has been a few days and well I hate to disappoint but things have not been so bad.. The Tool has been in and out of the office due to the birth of his nephew and Mr. Smiley has discovered soap and water.. And DEODERANT!

All in all it’s been kind of quiet and rather nice. I mean I came in yesterday and Tool was not here, so I got to sit and listen to music make a pot of tea and even read a few emails before I started my monotonous daily activities… and today Tool did not get in till noon and I have to skip out early to take my daughter to the Dr. as she got a horrible sunburn yesterday during her 5th grade graduation activities… The poor little thing is so red she looks maroon!

I do have one gripe and that would be why can Tool and Mr. Smiley take personal calls on there cells and shoot the shit but I can not? I mean I can but today my daughter has called me 4 times and Tool has had a shit fit... I mean the first call was the school nurse letting me know my child looked like a lobster and asking if she could give her some Motrin, the second was my daughter crying because she was in pain and wanted me to bring her Aloe and sunscreen… the third was the nurse again saying I should make her an appointment with her pediatrician and the 4 was the pediatrician ….
So it’s NOT like I was talking to Baby Cakes about going out to diner or sex or something...

Geeshhhhhhhhh

Love and Happy reading
XOXOX
The Corner Office Bitch.

Dam its a bad day

I guess I should have known today was gonna be a doozy when I woke up and my dog and cat were both in my bed and Baby Cakes was snoring his ass off….

So I get up and do the morning thing, shower, make coffee let dog out, feed cat and dog wake up kids, make them food, argue about what we can and can not wear to school, get girls dressed, pack book bags, make lunches and head everyone out the door… and I do all this in the first 2 hours of waking up… I know I should wear a cape and just say I am “Super Mom” or something... and that’s my morning on a good day...
On a bad day add in fight about wearing make up, taking cell phone away, finding shoes, doing 3 different hair styles and NONE of them are what she wants… Oh and the “Mom I have homework… UGHHHHHHHHH
Anyway I should of known today was going to be NUTS as this morning was somewhat smooth. I was only running a few minutes late when I was getting dressed. So I throw on some clothes grab the girls and we run to the car, drop them off at school. I have 10 minutes and decide to go grab a coffee…
The girl at Tim Horton’s fucks my coffee up royally. I ordered an Extra Large vanilla double double and I am NOT sure what the hell that hot shit was in my cup. I get to my office and realize I have on a Black bra and a white shirt... and its cold as hell in here!
I spill coffee on my shit in the boob area to draw more attention to myself... I broke a nail…
Our network is down, I lost my earring somewhere between the car and my desk…
I sit, take a deep breathe and just giggle to myself, I mean what else can I do its only 10:30 and I am here for an other 7 hours!
Things kept getting better as time went on, I burnt my finger trying to light a candle to cover up the ever nauseating smell from Mr. Smiley... he came over to my desk to talk to me and I thought I would just puke right there , his breathe was so bad it made my eyes water…
My phone is ringing off the hook, I try and make a pot of tea and I forget I have no sugar. I go to the ladies room and forget my keys on the sink when I wash my hands and have to go on a hunt for someone who has a master so I can go get them…
I get back to my desk keys in hand and Tool is on the warpath again.

I go to use the fax machine and the heel on my favorite pair of come fuck me heels breaks…
Its now 12 and I am back at my desk I work for a while and things seem to be going okay, Tool walks in my office to tell me he is leaving to go to his sons kindergarten graduation and to take his calls… I realize its 1:45 and I should eat some lunch …
I go to my fridge grab my César salad and sit back down to work and eat…
I go to eat and my phone rings, Mr. Smiley comes by and spills my tea all over me and my salad and my desk…
It was at this time I knew it was in my best interest to just sit at my desk for the rest of the day … Oh god its only 3:45 I still have 2 more hours!!!

PS: Did I mention that it is raining like CRAZY and my hair is wild and has a mind of its own today ?
Here is hoping your day was better then mine and that tomorrow is BETTER for us all

Happy reading
The Corner Office Bitch

It must be Monday

I must take this time to say a few words… ONE I had an interview with a new company on Friday and the interview went AMAZING!!!! While my current job provides me with great material to write about it truly also makes me physically ill to work here…

I know you are thinking “yea right “ but honestly it dose I have a headache from the moment I walk into my office until I leave unless I am fortunate enough to be the only one here then its smooth sailing and so so peaceful.. I so long for days like that.
So I got off track again, dam me and my mind and the 1000 things that all go on at once…
So it’s Monday and I am not sure if Mr. Smiley had a shitty weekend and just did not get laid or if he truly is a dick..
He is a senior recruiter in my office and has serveral candidates that I am so pose to market for IT positions.. Okay not to hard… Well that is NOT the case with Mr. Smiley’s consultants; he ALWAYS has some crazy stipulation…

**Like location , NO they will only work in NYC
**Or NO they will only entertain a phone interview
**Or their billing rate is astronomical in comparison to their said skills..
(Ex: a 5 yr Oracle DBA being billed at $70, kind of hard to do when we have 11 yr guys at $60)

I am still in utter shock that I can ask him will your guy take a look at a job in OH its 3+ months and Mr. Smiley will say Oh NO … don’t be silly. UGHHHH Makes you want to hit him in the head and scream “You dork the economy SUCKS BIG time right now and JOBS are few and far between can you and your people are realistic? "

Truly I must tell myself I love my job, I actually do love it, I love what I do and I even like a lot of our consultants , but it’s the co- workers who take the cake…

Speaking of co workers I got an email from Evil Dragon Lady’s BF..
He use to work for our company too then transferred a while back and he emailed me out of the blue to say HI..
I saw WTF…. Um I don’t like your girl what makes you think I want to talk to you??

And one last that to ponder before I go back to work and try my best not to slap the living shit out of Mr. Smiley or anyone else for that matter..

I go to lunch today and I only get 30 minutes, in that time I run to the bank and go grab some allergy meds as I am a mess thanks to the darn cotton wood. I rush back and do not get anything to eat..
I ask Tool via a txt if I give him cash if he would grab me something… He said Um didn’t you take lunch all ready?
I say yes but Wegmans was a MOB and I did not want to be late so I came back...
He says ok

My question is this SO what if I took lunch all ready , maybe I was still hungry… as long as I am paying why do you care if I sit at my desk and eat and work or if I don’t…

Till next time
Happy reading
The Corner Office Bitch …

When I call in Sick... YES I'm SICK

As long as I am venting.. And I mean this is a very healthy thing helps prevent one from going extremely postal in said work place..

I was out sick Monday and Tuesday. I did my do diligence and called the Tool first thing Monday morning and told him I was sick and would not be in.. I get a txt from the Tool a short while after that asking if I would make it in at all and I said NO…

well at 10:30 Mr. Smiley calls me and says So and So called in regards to your guy and his start date I told her you would be in by 11.. I all most dropped my cell phone..
I said um no I am out sick and I will NOT be in today. Mr. Smiley says oh, is Tool aware of this as I told him to that you would be in by 11.
I wanted to scream at him, say things that would prevent me from ever showing my face at work again..
I had all I could do NOT to say listen you dumb fuck I called in sick and that means I am fucking sick and NOT coming in…
I bit my tongue took a deep breath and said to Mr. Smiley No I will not be in I am going to go to the Dr as I am ill..
I will see you when I am back in the office…

One would think the sick day saga is over, but OH NO…
I call in and txt the Tool on Tuesday and tell him “I have a fever still of 102 and feel like crap I will not be in” he says ok I hope you feel better soon. ( he is NOT always a tool)
I go and lay down under all my nice warm blankets and don’t you know it my cell rings..
And guess who it is...
YUP it’s Mr. Smiley asking me when I will be in as he has had to field 4 calls into my voice mail… I wanted to scream but to be honest I just did not have it in me I felt awful I just hung up
and said
“DON”T CALL ME “
I think it sunk in as he did not call me , but he did send me 3 emails and 2 IM’s …
I think he needs a wake up call… When someone calls in SICK you DO NOT fucking call, txt or IM them asking them if they will be in and further more you MOST defiantly DO NOT tell a vendor that said sick person will be in .. OMFG…

Maybe I am overly sensitive and desensitized, maybe its me who needs lesson inn business relationships…
IDK...

Till next time, Peace and love and Happy reading …

The Corner Office Bitch!

A TRUE "OMFG" Moment

Okay so I was out of work for 2 days and all hell breaks loose.
As I was telling you all last week I finally got a hit I mean I got a guy a job… so why is it I come back to work and I am told that Evil Dragon Lady got my guy (Yes you are reading correct MY guy) a job and had him start it on Monday thru an other vender.
He started Monday and quit on Tuesday and well he was so pose to start my job today and as of now I have to assume he did…
I had to go back to the vender not once but a few times to ask for more money and other things.. I am so fucking flabbergasted at how the hell this could have ever happened… I just don’t get it.
And to make maters worse I work with the vender she went through and now there are issues and I may loose that relationship I worked so hard to build...


This is a true OMFG moment!

Happy reading and much Love,
The Corner Office Bitch

OMFG Moments in my day....

MS. IFMB .. Don't wine and cry....
we don’t hate you..
We all just want to know how someone with an Associates degree in Accounting has a title such as “Director of Market Research”

I mean you have a telemarketing/customer service call center background. You got fired form your last 3 jobs…. You type 25 words a minute and answer the phone Hi…

We all know you got this made-up position because you're a SLUT; how sad that you got suck in an office on the floor with the people you have to work for instead of right across from him so you could continue brown-nosing…
BTW could you maybe PRETEND that you do the work you were promoted to do instead of spending all day on iTunes, Facebook and Youtube?

“OH BTW we know you got the job and all the perks because yr FUCKING the BOSS! “
So please stop pretending!
( see we don't hate you.. we just get anoyed by you from time to time)


Okay and one more thing...

Threes SO MUCH NOISE in my office!

Threes the finger-tapping, pen-clicking guy;
The always-clipping-his-finger-nails guy;
The asshole that keeps his door WIDE open & takes all his calls on speaker-phone;
The guy who leaves his cell volume on loud but is never at his desk to answer it when it rings;
The guy who gets personal calls and talks in his native language in the spooky monotone voice
The guy who is a “face talker”
The guy who gets 100 Text’s a day…..

Oh wait that’s all the same guy… Yes Mr. Smiley I am talking to you .

And you have balls enough to ask why I close my door and play music!

OMFG …

WoW, could it really be a Mustache....

Sitting in my office at said work place drinking my tea listening to some Tori and the Fed EX guy comes in and HOLY Shit...
I had al I could do not to stair and just laugh…
This...., this man in his FedEx browns had this this thing on his face …
It was like a living breathing entity …

I know you are screaming come on all ready what it is...
Yo Mr. Fed Ex man , WOW-you have a great 'stache”-it looks like you grew out your nose hairs out over you lips, or rented your nasal cavity out to shedding rodents, is there a bird up there that made a nest…. Is it ALIVE… OMFG!!!!!
Thanks for assaulting my eyeballs!!!!!!"
Love and Happy Reading...
The Corner Office Bitch

Texts from MS. IFMB

Okay so I am at my desk feeling like shit as I have allergies and the cottonwood in the air is something awful….
I can’t breathe at all.
But any way I get a txt from Ms. I Fuck My Boss and I about fell out of my chair… I just could not believe what she was texting me….

SO it appears last night she was in bed with her friend and well things were going a lil hot and heavy and she called him by her bosses name...

He says WTF who is Joe?

She says IDK,
and he says fuck that, you do too it’s that old fucker I see you with all the time …

She laughs and says OH please, the old guy is my boss he is harmless…

Well her friend says HELL NO; I am done with your nasty asss ... get out of here…

(This is where the good stuff begins)

As I said we were texting and our texts go like this...

Me: Oh I am sorry he broke things off….

Ms IFMB: Yeah, but I got up and peed all over his bed…..

Me: Ohhhhhhhhh???????

Ms. IFMB : Yup and when I was done, I pulled down my shirt, pushed up my boobs and pulled up my panties and walked to church to pray!

ME: WTF?

MS. IFMB : Yea you can’t go pray half naked.

Me: Um I go to go the Tool needs me …


Okay so um what the fuck, how do I respond... first off she pisses in his bed and then has to go pray... is she praying he wont come hunt her ass down and beat the shit out of her for pissing in his bed? Or is she praying for forgiveness for being a whore…
I am truly at a loss for words over this one and well that JUST NEVER Happens!!!!

Happy reading and much Love,

The Corner Office Bitch

Please make the smell go away ....

Okay so after my lovely and much needed post on SHIT I figured I should sum the day up in some great kick ass way ... and then my co-worker Mr. Smiley decided to eat his lunch and well I now have the over whelming urge to sum my day up with a full explanation as to why I am sitting at my desk with a candle burning and spraying Febreeze… and NO before you ask I nor my co worker farted…

You see I sit here in this fog of awful smells mixed with my Eucalyptus candle and Febreeze because Mr. Smiley’s lunch smells SO BAD… I am not sure how he eats it, I swear it smells like a combination of feet, curry and cabbage... its truly fowl smelling stuff and he like clock work eats a form of this rancid smelling shit every day … He sits at his desk smiling and eating this , this shit like it is liquid gold or maybe crack. It’s down right awful I tell you. I have on more then one occasion found myself closing the adjoining door to our office, going on a spaying frenzy of Febreeze and even gagging. And you know as long as I am talking about smells
(WOW this seems to be the theme for the day, shit and smells … Bad smells)
I think I should continue to say it’s NOT just his food that smells bad he too smells...
Not always bad but it’s a rather unique smell. Most days he smells like ass and Patchouli and then once in a while he has this odd woodsy smell…
IDK!
So I guess what I am saying is if you ever come to my office to say HI , bring me coffee or you are a IT professional in need of a job and you find your self perplexed by my multiple candles and the incense sticks and oil on my desk or the Febreeze .. You now know why …

Let’s hope for the sake of us all and my nose that quitting time gets here FAST and I am not nasally assaulted again today, because I just won’t be able to STOP myself from saying
“Yo ____________ you and your food FUCKING STINK and its making me sick”

Happy reading
The Corner Office Bitch

Becuase I work with Evil Dragon Lady and the Evil Little Elf...

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don’t give a damn about?
Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you?
Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much ass, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?
Do you have a co-worker who is SO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce Friday as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

Here are the rules you must follow:
You can only slap one person per hour – no more.
You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant. No weapons are allowed…other than going upside somebody’s head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
CURSING IS MANDATORY!
After you have slapped the recipient, your “assault” must be followed with something like “cause I’m sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!”
If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!
Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living Shit out of and get to slapping…and have a GREAT DAY!

Bathroom OMFG....

Okay, so this may be a disgusting topic, but it needs to be discussed.

I work in a building where we have a shared public restroom and this restroom is accessible only by key... however as I was saying it is shared. We have a few questionable Doctors in our building, well maybe they are not questionable but they see some VERY interesting people , the one patient barks whenever she sees you , but that my readers is a whole other story and I will share that some other time… but for now lets get back to the topic at hand…

DEUCES!

I need to know who frequently drops deuces in our shared restroom and then just gets up and leaves them there for everyone to see? I mean you have dropped them on the floor and half in and out of the dam toilet … and well that’s just FUCKING Gross. PLEASE identify yourself for the DEUCE neglect-er that you are! Are you quite proud of your creation and want to share it or something? Do you have some sick type of fecal fetish…?

I hate to be the Bitch here, but NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT!

It never ceases to force my gag reflex into overdrive each time I walk into the bathroom to find the masterpiece that you left behind. Nothing like gagging while trying to go pee, I have even secured to using the men’s room… I think this SCREAMS “Ello there is an ISSUE”
Isn’t flushing the toilet an automatic for you? Are you a pig like this at home too or is it just in public?
Whoever was in charge of your toilet training should be sentenced to live the remaining years of there life in an outhouse that’s been frequently used by individuals like yourself and the ones who like to finger paint with there deuces… Yes I think that would be a fitting punishment, as the rest of us are being punished!

So please, stop the insanity!

FLUSH YOUR DEUCES!

Maybe Tuesday's are NOT good either...

Ever get a song stuck in your head for no reason at all… ever have it happen for a reason…
Yeah well I am having one of them moments today …
See I work in an environment where I deal with A LOT of English as a second language type of people. And well I use to think I had a rather easy name to pronounce, BOY was I ever wrong in thinking this… I mean they can fuck up my name something awful, but dam do not let me not know how to say Balasubrmanian or some thing of the likes… All hell will break loose.
I mean my name is pretty simple, I even tried to make it easier and shortened it to a, but NO they fuck that one up too.. I get Enrey, Andrew, Andre’ Andia, Henry, Anglicia , Her and all sorts of other names.. Well here is my point the Ting Tings have this song its rather catchy tune called “That’s NOT my name” well I want to sing this into the phone to all the lovely people who can not say my dam name…

they forget my name(ame, ame, ame)They call me 'hell'They call me 'Stacey'They call me 'her'They call me 'Jane'That's not my nameThat's not my nameThat's not my nameThat's not my nameThey call me 'quiet'But I'm a riotMary-Jo-LisaAlways the sameThat's not my nameThat's not my nameThat's not my nameThat's not my name

And as long as I am taking the time to bitch and moan I might as well just get it all out and truly feel at peace, I mean I do deserve that much I think…

So I am at work today just like any other Tuesday and I get a guy an offer a job..
Things have been very slow and the over all mood of said work place has been rather somber to say the least with all the fucking joys brought on by our failing economy ….
But any way I get a guy a job,Woooooooo Hooooooo Doing the happy dance!!
But no my dancing is shot lived when the Tool and his little Evil Elf have to take turns for over a hour discussing in great detail how this is not going to do and how we need to get more money out of the vender and all sorts of other grimy things…
I mean if I was the Evil Dragon lady all would be well in the Kingdom known as “Said Work Place” but I am not she and all is not well it’s down right a pain in the ass…
I have to try and remain professional and keep my cool and work while this little exchanging of plots is going on …
Not an easy task and dam it I think I need a Venti Carmel Macchiato for keeping my cool and NOT having a huge BITCH fit…
So this plotting happens and all is said and done, I get the finalized contract and yet once again we have the plotting go on again between the tool and the Evil little elf... I have to go back to my vender and ask for more money...

Fucking Yippee ,I get to look like a real piece of work to my vender now... I do my job and make said awkward call and say I am so so sorry but I need to X amount more an hour which will bump the over all rate up by X amount a day..

Yeah I feel like crap, I hate being put in a situation where I look like a fucking greedy ass..
Okay I must go as the saga continues and I am about to get NOT So Nice up in here!


Happy Reading …

The Corner Office Bitch

Enlightened conversations with the FABULAUS Enigma Jones!

So Enigma Jones and I were talking and IM’ing about one of our favorite topics our Lovely co-workers… ( don’t get me wrong we talk about other things as well, like Love, shoes, our kids… Men , but with our co workers we have enough good material to put it into a #1 best seller) Hmmmmmmm Engima maybe we should do that , colaberate and write a book… Oh shit mean dmy dam ideas I got off track….
Anywho we were talking and one co- worker in particular came up in our discussion and well its been a while but you know I just got a Mani and Pedi and this conversation with Enigma keeps popping into my head So I must ask you the question………..

“Should a co- worker and one with an upper management title take the time out of her day to give herself a pedicure at her desk? I mean the full 9, a foot soak, a scraping, a massaging rub with lotion, and a paint job?”……..

I say NO way, but sure enough our Girl felt she was entitled to do so and has been doing so now on a regular basis….

Yet this is another OMFG moment in my day.


And as long as we are talking about the conversations I have with Enigma let me share with you on other OMFG moment we have shared …

One day while IM’ing we were talking about shopping I think we both wanted new shoes, what can we say down deep we are self admitting shoe whores!

So as I was saying we were IM’ing and Enigma says “HOLY shit he did it again” ,
and me being the great friend I am ask WHAT, who did what…

See my dear friend Enigma is forced to share an office environment with a true Male PIG and a few other animals …

I mean this guy can take the cake when it comes to
ball grabbing ass smacking rude womanizing comments..
This spineless little bastard is always referring to women as BITCH’S…
YES a lot of us are, myself included in that.
however Mr. Spineless Dick Dweeb you make us this way.
Just once do you think you could call us by name, or say hi or maybe just maybe not talk to the other spineless looser in your corner of the office and refer to any woman as anything other then a Bitch..
I mean it’s ALWAYS “That bitch is clueless” or Wow what a Bitch or “that Bitch sounded like she needed a good stiff one”
I think what you are in need of is a “Good Bitch “to show you that you what is what .. and well the WHAT is “YOU would not amount to a pimple on a mans ass” Mr. Spineless Dick Dweeb you are just a Dweeb!

Well my friends I must sign off for now and get to work, the one that is sort of paying the bills… (Hint hint Tool if you read this “can a girl get a raise”)

Love and happy reading

The Corner Office Bitch!

Letter to Miss. Thang......

Dear Co- worker I find you very amusing much to my chagrin. And I use the term "chagrin" because I'm slightly embarrassed to be so amused by such a hippy-poseur like you. Yes you have a MBA and can use $2 words to make it seem like you know your ass from a hole in the ground, but we all know its just not so.

You mostly wear vintage clothes, which surprises me. I half expect you to show up in an American Eagle graphic tee and Hollister flip flops and a oh so impressive pair of skinny jeans with the hole in the knee one of these days.
You pretend to be liberal and progressive, the go to girl, a real team player,
But I'm confident that deep down, you're not quite the hipster that you think you are.
Yet you continue to charm me with your white trash Long Island accent (don’t get me wrong I love my Long Island peeps, but you know the one girl who OVER emphasizes,
YUP that’s Miss. Thang!)
And you say stupid things like “My new haircut makes me look like such a square." Hopefully, I'll soon grow tired of such antics; hopefully you will cease to amuse me.
However you do provide me with some much needed humor during the day and well when you work in my office its a needed thing, maybe you could just come up with some new material..... “maybe say “OMG I broke a nail “
But till then, let's continue to sit in our offices and send the occasional email and think awkwardly stupid random thoughts about each other and later either Twitter or Blog about our findings and amuse others at our expense.
I mean its the least you can do Miss. Thang for your oh so ever loving public and well I find I must vent or go postal ...

Till next time Much Love
The Corner Office Bitch!

OMG can this Monday end all ready

Okay so true to form Ms I fuck my boss called me as soon as I walked in my dam door after being at work all day…
Now I know this is UN work related however I find I must share as I took the time to introduce you to her in the first place…
So I walk in the door and my phone is ringing, my lovely daughter answers and announces its “_______________ , mommy..
Great!
I take the phone and I am like Hi what’s up, and of course the first words out of her mouth are Did you get my email
and I am true to beat and I say NO , we had issues with our mail server and I did not get any out of network email. …
She says Oh and I am like WHEEEW and true to form she reiterates her email and again says what do I do... I am now home and am wearing my new hat and am playing the new role , I am in mom mode....
so as I was saying I tell Ms I fuck my boss ,I am sorry but I can’t answer that right now because I have 2 sets of small ears listening, maybe I can txt you later..

She is happy with this answer and comes back with another whopper...

Yes I know you are now on the edge of your seat wondering what could top this well… I will not keep you waiting much longer…

The conversation went something like this


MS I fuck my boos : are you busy tonight?

Me: No not really, why ?

Ms I fuck my boss: Um well I met this guy on you know that site and well he wants to hook up….
Me : well Um

Ms I fuck my boss: well I was thinking maybe you could watch the kids for me, I mean I would feed em and all and just drop em off around 9ish….

Me : Um I don’t think so it’s a school night and I really don’t have room for 3 extra kids , besides I hate to be rude and all but I think its time for me to be HONEST with you .. “You are a fucking whore, I mean you have 3 kids and don’t know who the baby daddy is of 2 of em…. You need to stop thinking with your pussy and start thinking of your kids… I love you but dam it, you area slut! Besides you have regular dick, his name is Mr. Boss man.

This causes some awkward silence , and I say look I am sorry but I would rather tell you the truth and be a true friend then smile and pretend I am cool with it all.. So if I hurt you I am sorry, but I had to get it out….

Ms I fuck my boos: Its okay, its not like you said something un true or that I have not herd before , so you think maybe this weekend you can watch the kids , My boss wants me to work Saturday ( this is code for we are fucking)

Me: I can’t girls have riding the lessons and a bridging ceremony.


"Some one please tell me I am not alone in going HMMMMMMMMM after all of this "

God its Monday isn't it

Okay so I thought I got it all out of my system and well I was so sadly mistaken..
I was just the lucky or maybe I should be honest here and say UNLUCKY recipient of an email from Evil Dragon Lady…
GOD why dose she bother I am not nice to her, I mean I am in a way, one could say I am tolerable at the least but truly that is as far as it goes...
So why oh why is this NUT emailing me and asking me how my day is and asking why I do not call her to talk...?
OMG I would rather poke myself repeatedly in the eye with push pins then call her!!!
I just sat here in utter disbelief that this bullshit was in my inbox and I was in more disbelief that I read it...
I subcommand to her evil ways and read the dam thing... I did NOT respond … but I read it and that’s just as bad…

So here I sit in my sate of OMFG and I get yet an other email not from Evil Dragon Lady but from a friend who is about as dumb as rocks … ( yes she is my friend but M-F between the hours of 9 and 5 pm she shall be referred to as “Ms. I fuck my Boss” , don’t get me wrong I truly like her a lot, she is just a whole new girl while at work and during that time she too is a DUMB ass.)
Anyway Ms I fuck my boss sends me a email complaining about her new fuck buddy seeing her this weekend with her boss in a less then flattering predicament and asks me “What shall I do “ OMFG HELLO …. If the stiletto was on the other foot, how the hell would you answer this…?
I sit here is a state of pure preplexment and so unsure if I should respond and truly share how and what I am thinking or just go on and work and pretend I never saw the email,
I can say I had a glitch in my email server and all in coming mail from an outside source never made it to my inbox… yes I think this is how I shall deal with this mater later when she calls and then say I got to go help girls with home work call you later…

Just an other Monday ......

Okay so this is day one and well with a title like “The Corner office Bitch “ one would assume I am a rather nasty girl and the truth is I am a nice girl I am just tired of all the shit that comes with my so called high end recruiting job of so called IT professionals… Yes I said it, my job is a joke, and I work with some of the stupidest people on the face of the earth. I have days where it truly amazes me that my co works can breathe on there own... I do have one saving grace while at work and her name is Enigma Jones (blogger QUEEN)
So you ask what makes my job any different then yours, why are my co workers more dumb then the next… well let me share a lovely example with you…
In my line of work I am responsible for marketing select IT professionals, you know computer geeks, the guys who manage and write the software etc...
Any way a certain co –worker who shall from this point on be known as Evil Dragon Lady. As I was saying in my long winded rambling we are in a meeting and as she is the golden child in the ‘Tools” eye ( oh the Tool is my boss) she asks and I quote
“ can I count submittals of consultants that are not on our W2 and that I am marketing for a friend to beef up my numbers as times are slow”
and the tool said and again I will quote
“sure, I think that’s a great idea as long as we get a small cut from the placement if any “
I wanted to SCREAM you fucking unethical pig that is NOT how you do business, you have a mandated signature that says we do NOT practice any sub subbing so why is it okay for Evil Dragon Lady to do this… OMFG … this is just one of my wondrous OMFG moments, I truly could go on for days with moments like this and so much more but I shall not bore you …
I will share some of the humorous things that I have had to share or email etc instead so I hope you enjoy…

Guys, I’m now missing not only my blue pen but my red one as well.Either my pens become ambulatory over the weekends and flee my desk, or someone is aiding and abetting them in their escape.If you need a pen, go to the shelves where they are stored and fetch one. If you need directions, ask me. In fact, you can just follow me as I walk there because I will be doing that momentarily to replace the ones that were hijacked.If it’s on my desk, leave it there. (There are only myself and 2 others in my office, the rest of my lovely co –workers are in our NJ office!)