My Job is like a parade of OMFG moments...

Just when I open my mouth and say work was not so bad …

LOL My dam job is like a parade of train wrecks.

I am being a good slacker and chatting it up via IM with a potential new employee, he seems like a rather nice guy and is very interesting, I look down and I see I have a message in my inbox from MS. IFMB . So out of pure curiosity I go and read it. Well it appears MS. IFMB has competition at work a girl downstairs who works at great Northern Pizza kitchen.
I guess she saw her boss and said girl in his car getting cozy yesterday after work and it made her sad…
she has gotten use to late lunches on the bosses dime and shopping for new clothes etc.
As I was saying she is a tad depressed and went home to her 3 crazy boys and the chaos known as her house (I personally like to call it the BLACK HOLE of Despair) So MS. IFMB gets boys to bed and decides to go relax and drink some wine…
This is what her email said

“I am so sad at the thought of Joe with some tramp I went home filled up the tub to take a nice relaxing hot bath and grabbed a bottle of wine, I sat there drinking and thinking, not paying attention to the fact that my window is wide open, well next thing I knew it was 7 am woke up spooning with wine bottle.. Bathroom window was still open and the perverted old man across from me was looking at me rather odd! Fuck, not again.”

Wow why do I open email from her and why oh why dose she think I have an answer of give a fuck …

Love and Happy reading

The Corner Office Bitch

Tuesday and the sun is shining

So once again it has been a few days and well I hate to disappoint but things have not been so bad.. The Tool has been in and out of the office due to the birth of his nephew and Mr. Smiley has discovered soap and water.. And DEODERANT!

All in all it’s been kind of quiet and rather nice. I mean I came in yesterday and Tool was not here, so I got to sit and listen to music make a pot of tea and even read a few emails before I started my monotonous daily activities… and today Tool did not get in till noon and I have to skip out early to take my daughter to the Dr. as she got a horrible sunburn yesterday during her 5th grade graduation activities… The poor little thing is so red she looks maroon!

I do have one gripe and that would be why can Tool and Mr. Smiley take personal calls on there cells and shoot the shit but I can not? I mean I can but today my daughter has called me 4 times and Tool has had a shit fit... I mean the first call was the school nurse letting me know my child looked like a lobster and asking if she could give her some Motrin, the second was my daughter crying because she was in pain and wanted me to bring her Aloe and sunscreen… the third was the nurse again saying I should make her an appointment with her pediatrician and the 4 was the pediatrician ….
So it’s NOT like I was talking to Baby Cakes about going out to diner or sex or something...

Geeshhhhhhhhh

Love and Happy reading
XOXOX
The Corner Office Bitch.

Dam its a bad day

I guess I should have known today was gonna be a doozy when I woke up and my dog and cat were both in my bed and Baby Cakes was snoring his ass off….

So I get up and do the morning thing, shower, make coffee let dog out, feed cat and dog wake up kids, make them food, argue about what we can and can not wear to school, get girls dressed, pack book bags, make lunches and head everyone out the door… and I do all this in the first 2 hours of waking up… I know I should wear a cape and just say I am “Super Mom” or something... and that’s my morning on a good day...
On a bad day add in fight about wearing make up, taking cell phone away, finding shoes, doing 3 different hair styles and NONE of them are what she wants… Oh and the “Mom I have homework… UGHHHHHHHHH
Anyway I should of known today was going to be NUTS as this morning was somewhat smooth. I was only running a few minutes late when I was getting dressed. So I throw on some clothes grab the girls and we run to the car, drop them off at school. I have 10 minutes and decide to go grab a coffee…
The girl at Tim Horton’s fucks my coffee up royally. I ordered an Extra Large vanilla double double and I am NOT sure what the hell that hot shit was in my cup. I get to my office and realize I have on a Black bra and a white shirt... and its cold as hell in here!
I spill coffee on my shit in the boob area to draw more attention to myself... I broke a nail…
Our network is down, I lost my earring somewhere between the car and my desk…
I sit, take a deep breathe and just giggle to myself, I mean what else can I do its only 10:30 and I am here for an other 7 hours!
Things kept getting better as time went on, I burnt my finger trying to light a candle to cover up the ever nauseating smell from Mr. Smiley... he came over to my desk to talk to me and I thought I would just puke right there , his breathe was so bad it made my eyes water…
My phone is ringing off the hook, I try and make a pot of tea and I forget I have no sugar. I go to the ladies room and forget my keys on the sink when I wash my hands and have to go on a hunt for someone who has a master so I can go get them…
I get back to my desk keys in hand and Tool is on the warpath again.

I go to use the fax machine and the heel on my favorite pair of come fuck me heels breaks…
Its now 12 and I am back at my desk I work for a while and things seem to be going okay, Tool walks in my office to tell me he is leaving to go to his sons kindergarten graduation and to take his calls… I realize its 1:45 and I should eat some lunch …
I go to my fridge grab my César salad and sit back down to work and eat…
I go to eat and my phone rings, Mr. Smiley comes by and spills my tea all over me and my salad and my desk…
It was at this time I knew it was in my best interest to just sit at my desk for the rest of the day … Oh god its only 3:45 I still have 2 more hours!!!

PS: Did I mention that it is raining like CRAZY and my hair is wild and has a mind of its own today ?
Here is hoping your day was better then mine and that tomorrow is BETTER for us all

Happy reading
The Corner Office Bitch

It must be Monday

I must take this time to say a few words… ONE I had an interview with a new company on Friday and the interview went AMAZING!!!! While my current job provides me with great material to write about it truly also makes me physically ill to work here…

I know you are thinking “yea right “ but honestly it dose I have a headache from the moment I walk into my office until I leave unless I am fortunate enough to be the only one here then its smooth sailing and so so peaceful.. I so long for days like that.
So I got off track again, dam me and my mind and the 1000 things that all go on at once…
So it’s Monday and I am not sure if Mr. Smiley had a shitty weekend and just did not get laid or if he truly is a dick..
He is a senior recruiter in my office and has serveral candidates that I am so pose to market for IT positions.. Okay not to hard… Well that is NOT the case with Mr. Smiley’s consultants; he ALWAYS has some crazy stipulation…

**Like location , NO they will only work in NYC
**Or NO they will only entertain a phone interview
**Or their billing rate is astronomical in comparison to their said skills..
(Ex: a 5 yr Oracle DBA being billed at $70, kind of hard to do when we have 11 yr guys at $60)

I am still in utter shock that I can ask him will your guy take a look at a job in OH its 3+ months and Mr. Smiley will say Oh NO … don’t be silly. UGHHHH Makes you want to hit him in the head and scream “You dork the economy SUCKS BIG time right now and JOBS are few and far between can you and your people are realistic? "

Truly I must tell myself I love my job, I actually do love it, I love what I do and I even like a lot of our consultants , but it’s the co- workers who take the cake…

Speaking of co workers I got an email from Evil Dragon Lady’s BF..
He use to work for our company too then transferred a while back and he emailed me out of the blue to say HI..
I saw WTF…. Um I don’t like your girl what makes you think I want to talk to you??

And one last that to ponder before I go back to work and try my best not to slap the living shit out of Mr. Smiley or anyone else for that matter..

I go to lunch today and I only get 30 minutes, in that time I run to the bank and go grab some allergy meds as I am a mess thanks to the darn cotton wood. I rush back and do not get anything to eat..
I ask Tool via a txt if I give him cash if he would grab me something… He said Um didn’t you take lunch all ready?
I say yes but Wegmans was a MOB and I did not want to be late so I came back...
He says ok

My question is this SO what if I took lunch all ready , maybe I was still hungry… as long as I am paying why do you care if I sit at my desk and eat and work or if I don’t…

Till next time
Happy reading
The Corner Office Bitch …

When I call in Sick... YES I'm SICK

As long as I am venting.. And I mean this is a very healthy thing helps prevent one from going extremely postal in said work place..

I was out sick Monday and Tuesday. I did my do diligence and called the Tool first thing Monday morning and told him I was sick and would not be in.. I get a txt from the Tool a short while after that asking if I would make it in at all and I said NO…

well at 10:30 Mr. Smiley calls me and says So and So called in regards to your guy and his start date I told her you would be in by 11.. I all most dropped my cell phone..
I said um no I am out sick and I will NOT be in today. Mr. Smiley says oh, is Tool aware of this as I told him to that you would be in by 11.
I wanted to scream at him, say things that would prevent me from ever showing my face at work again..
I had all I could do NOT to say listen you dumb fuck I called in sick and that means I am fucking sick and NOT coming in…
I bit my tongue took a deep breath and said to Mr. Smiley No I will not be in I am going to go to the Dr as I am ill..
I will see you when I am back in the office…

One would think the sick day saga is over, but OH NO…
I call in and txt the Tool on Tuesday and tell him “I have a fever still of 102 and feel like crap I will not be in” he says ok I hope you feel better soon. ( he is NOT always a tool)
I go and lay down under all my nice warm blankets and don’t you know it my cell rings..
And guess who it is...
YUP it’s Mr. Smiley asking me when I will be in as he has had to field 4 calls into my voice mail… I wanted to scream but to be honest I just did not have it in me I felt awful I just hung up
and said
“DON”T CALL ME “
I think it sunk in as he did not call me , but he did send me 3 emails and 2 IM’s …
I think he needs a wake up call… When someone calls in SICK you DO NOT fucking call, txt or IM them asking them if they will be in and further more you MOST defiantly DO NOT tell a vendor that said sick person will be in .. OMFG…

Maybe I am overly sensitive and desensitized, maybe its me who needs lesson inn business relationships…
IDK...

Till next time, Peace and love and Happy reading …

The Corner Office Bitch!

A TRUE "OMFG" Moment

Okay so I was out of work for 2 days and all hell breaks loose.
As I was telling you all last week I finally got a hit I mean I got a guy a job… so why is it I come back to work and I am told that Evil Dragon Lady got my guy (Yes you are reading correct MY guy) a job and had him start it on Monday thru an other vender.
He started Monday and quit on Tuesday and well he was so pose to start my job today and as of now I have to assume he did…
I had to go back to the vender not once but a few times to ask for more money and other things.. I am so fucking flabbergasted at how the hell this could have ever happened… I just don’t get it.
And to make maters worse I work with the vender she went through and now there are issues and I may loose that relationship I worked so hard to build...


This is a true OMFG moment!

Happy reading and much Love,
The Corner Office Bitch

OMFG Moments in my day....

MS. IFMB .. Don't wine and cry....
we don’t hate you..
We all just want to know how someone with an Associates degree in Accounting has a title such as “Director of Market Research”

I mean you have a telemarketing/customer service call center background. You got fired form your last 3 jobs…. You type 25 words a minute and answer the phone Hi…

We all know you got this made-up position because you're a SLUT; how sad that you got suck in an office on the floor with the people you have to work for instead of right across from him so you could continue brown-nosing…
BTW could you maybe PRETEND that you do the work you were promoted to do instead of spending all day on iTunes, Facebook and Youtube?

“OH BTW we know you got the job and all the perks because yr FUCKING the BOSS! “
So please stop pretending!
( see we don't hate you.. we just get anoyed by you from time to time)


Okay and one more thing...

Threes SO MUCH NOISE in my office!

Threes the finger-tapping, pen-clicking guy;
The always-clipping-his-finger-nails guy;
The asshole that keeps his door WIDE open & takes all his calls on speaker-phone;
The guy who leaves his cell volume on loud but is never at his desk to answer it when it rings;
The guy who gets personal calls and talks in his native language in the spooky monotone voice
The guy who is a “face talker”
The guy who gets 100 Text’s a day…..

Oh wait that’s all the same guy… Yes Mr. Smiley I am talking to you .

And you have balls enough to ask why I close my door and play music!

OMFG …